The Perfect F*cking Chili Recipe

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New York City got its first *real* snowfall of the season last weekend and I don’t know about you all, but I officially gave myself full permission to indulge in all my favorite warm things. Like lounging around my apartment in my fuzzy socks, sweatpants, and big, ugly, bulky sweaters while I drink spiked hot chocolate (or an Irish coffee) and cook my favorite f*cking chili recipe. So I’m bout to hit you with that good, good so you can warm your goddamn bones.


My chili recipe was inspired by Jessie James Decker’s Game Day Chili, but I altered a few things to make it very … me.


Perfect f*cking chili recipe

what you need:

  • McCormick’s Original Chili mix
  • Ground beef chuck (a block or package or whatever you call it.)
  • Two cans of tomato paste
  • Two cans of Rotel OR two cans of diced tomatoes with green chilis or peppers
  • Lager beer or IPA (I used Goose Island IPA or Brooklyn Lager)
  • 1 can of kidney beans (or black/red beans)
  • 1/2 white onion chopped
  • Jalepeños (to taste)
  • Ground black pepper (to taste)
  • Greek yogurt (to garnish)
  • Avocado (to garnish)
  • Shredded cheese (to garnish)
  • Tortilla chips (optional)

How to make it:

Get the biggest saucepan pot that you have. Line the bottom with olive oil or coconut oil (just enough to coat the bottom of the pot). Dump the entire block of beef chuck into the pot and crack some black pepper on it. Use a wooden spool to keep stirring, turning, and cooking the beef chuck till it’s a little more than halfway cooked. Pour the chopped onions in the pot and let them sautée in the juices (feel free to dump some of the juices out beforehand because it’s basically all fatty). Then allow both the onions and beef to cook until *almost* perfect.

The way you order the next steps is up to you. I usually start by pouring the Rotel into the pot – juices and all – then grab the beans. BUT I usually drain the beans because the consistency of the bean juice is really f*cking weird. Add the Jalepeños.

This step is important. Pour both cans of tomato paste into the pot and stir until everything is blended together. It should start to look like some goddamn chili. Keep one of the tomato paste cans for a little later – you’ll see.

Pour about 5/7 of the beer bottle of your choice into the pot (like I said, I used Goose Island the first time). If the chili is too thick, add the rest of the beer. If it’s STILL too thick, then I normally fill ONE of the tomato paste cans up with filtered water to add to the chili. BUT the consistency is ~all preference~ and I like my chili a little thicker so I can dip some tortilla chips in it.


If you get to a point where your chili is too watery, let it simmer longer. If is still too watery after it simmers, you’ll have to find more tomato paste OR drained Rotel or beans to thicken it up. But I haven’t had this problem yet.

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